SNOWFLAKES

BY: BARNEY SHEPHERD

SOME PEOPLE HAVE A LOT OF BRASS
            ABOUT THINGS THEY CLAIM TO KNOW
THEY TOSS REASON OUT THE WINDOW
            EACH TIME IT STARTS TO SNOW.
THAT NO TWO SNOWFLAKES ARE ALIKE
            IN THE STUFF THAT NATURE MAKES.
WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME, WHO IN HELL
            TOOK A LOOK AT ALL THOSE FLAKES!

ANOTHER THING THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW
            ON THOSE SURVEYS PEOPLE MAKE.
THEY DON’T SPEND ALL THAT MONEY
            AND THOSE THINGS ARE ALL A FAKE.
IT’S ALL A PREDETERMINED FARCE       
            THIS TRUTH I MUST CONVEY
YOU’LL FIND A PAIR OF FLAKES SOMEWHERE
            BEFORE THEY TAKE A REAL SURVEY!

THERES ALL THOSE PHONES AND RADIOS
            PEOPLE CARRY ON THEIR HIP,
DISTURBING EVERY ONE AROUND
            WHILE THEY EXERCISE THEIR LIP.
IT’S A TEN-FOUR HERE, AND A ROGER THERE
            ‘TIS ENOUGH TO GET YOUR GOAT.
WHAT WOULD BE THE PENALTY,
            IF YOU SHOVED THEM DOWN THEIR THROAT?

IF YOU’VE NEVER DIALED THE TELEPHONE
            TO TALK TO OLD MA BELL.
DON’T WORRY SON, YOU’RE THE LUCKY ONE,
            YOU’VE NEVER BEEN THROUGH HELL.
PRESS ONE FOR THIS, AND TWO FOR THAT
            AND AT TEN YOU START TO CURSIN’.
ABOUT THAT TIME IT DAWNS ON YOU,
            THEY DON’T HAVE A REAL LIVE PERSON!

HOW ABOUT THAT LITTLE CUR
            THAT CAN SIT RIGHT UP AND BEG?
AND IS STRANGELY ATTRACTED TO A SPOT
            RIGHT THERE ON YOUR PANTS LEG.
EVERY TIME THAT YOU SIT DOWN
            HIS PAWS ARE ON YOUR KNEES.
WOULD SOMEONE TELL THOSE STUPID FOLKS
            THAT DOG AIN’T SCRATCHING FLEAS!

I’VE NEVER BEEN THE LAST ONE THROUGH
            A RED LIGHT, I DON’T THINK.
AND I’VE BEEN KNOW TO BET MY LIFE
            SOMETIMES, ON DIRTY PINK.
BUT, EVERY TIME WHEN I LOOK BACK
            I STILL DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR.
SOME NUT IS RIGHT THERE ON MY TRAIL
            WITH HIS FINGER IN THE AIR!

THE WORSE THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
            ‘TIS A THING YOU CAN’T DEFEND.
YOU’RE STANDING THERE, WITH A GROUP OF FOLKS
            AND SOMEONE ELSE BREAKS WIND.
A SILENT, GREEN FOGGED, SUPER POOT
            FOR THE MAC GINNIS RECORD BOOK.
JUST SMILE AND TAKE THE CREDIT, SON
            WHEN THEY ALL, GIVE YOU, THAT LOOK!

YOU SLOW DOWN FOR THE TOLL BOOTH
            AND YOU’RE ALREADY LATE.
THEN YOU GET A PREMONITION
            THAT SOON TURNS INTO HATE.
THAT’S WHEN YOU GET THE URGE TO KILL
            OR MAYBE SOMETHING WORSE.
AS THE LADY THERE, AHEAD OF YOU
            DIGS FOR PENNIES IN HER PURSE!

I DON’T KNOW FOR CERTAIN.
            WE’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.
SOME PEOPLE SAY THE MAN UPSTAIRS
            HAS IT IN FOR ME!
I STILL SAY, THAT I BELIEVE,
            THOUGH, I DIDN’T START THE RUMOR,
BUT THE PASSPORT THROUGH THE PEARLY GATES
            SHOULD REQUIRE A SENSE OF HUMOR!

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE FLAKES
            YOU STILL CANNOT BE SURE,
THAT ALL OF THEM ARE DIFFERENT
            BUT, LOOK WHO’S KEEPING SCORE!
THE PEOPLE CHECKING ALL THOSE FLAKES
            JUST CALLED ME ON THE PHONE.
TO TELL ME, OUT IN LA LA LAND